[We open up to outside on a neighborhood lawn. There is a cute little girl standing at a lemonade stand. This is the five-year-old Julie. It's a typical scene: a bunch of glasses, for 25 cents each. There's a small box on the lemonade stand. She's on the side walk in front of a large wooden fence. There's a two story house behind it. It's a bright and sunny spring Saturday]
Julie: Lemonade, 25 cents!
[A man walks up to her]
Julie: Hey sir, do you want a glass of lemonade? [Sweetly] It's only 25 cents.
Man: Um... sure.
[Julie hands the man a glass, and they exchange money. The man drinks, but he ends up choking it up, and spits it out. He keeps spitting. He clearly drank something disgusting.
Man: Oh gross! Is this your idea of a joke!?
Julie: [Frightened] Wha... what's wrong!?
Man: You pissed in this!
Julie: [Close to tears] Wa... wah... no I didn't! My brother or sister probably did it! They're always being mean to me!
Man: Ugh, well... that's a pretty nasty prank.
[Julie hands the man another glass.]
Julie: Please sir, give me another chance! Maybe some real lemonade can get the taste out of your mouth.
[The man grabs the glass. He looks at it nervously. Slowly, he takes a drink, and is just as shocked as the first time. Julie cracks up laughing, evilly]
Julie: [In hysterics] Wow, I didn't think you'd be so stupid as to try it twice! Come on, try a third one! I promise, it's real this time!
Man: [About to attack her, Homer Simpson-style] Why you little!
Officer: Is something wrong here?
[The camera pulls back to a police officer who's just arrived on the scene. We have a close up on Julie smiling evilly as the man looks very nervous of what's about to happen. Julie continues to cry more crocodile tears]
Julie: Th-this man said he was gonna hit me 'cuz he didn't like me lemonade!
Officer: Oh, so you think it's okay to threaten little children!
[The officer begins arresting the man. He turns them both away from Julie]
Man: No! She's lying! I swear!
[We see Julie steal the man's wallet. As she's counting the money, a teenage girl comes by. She has her hair highlighted, wears a short skirt, and a t-shirt. She also has a small piercing on the side of her nose. This is Grace]
Julie: Oh come on, only 50 bucks and a... fishing license? I'm never going to get that computer at this rate.
Grace: Is that someone else's wallet!? Julie, you can't keep doing this.
[Julie looks at Grace with a dead-straight face. She takes the box from her stand and flips it upside down, allowing the many wallets within pouring out].
Grace: Okay... you can, but that doesn't mean you should.
Julie: We both know that if cops didn't act on impulse and actually looked into the situation, I wouldn't have this money. Now, you want some extra for the party tonight?
[She hands out the 50 bucks to Grace]
Grace: Yeah, I guess, fine. [She takes the money] \
[We cut to two neighbors talking. There's a fence between them. One of them is the father of the family, Jack. The other one is their neighbor, Nathan.]
Jack: And it's all covered in radioactive tumors. I'm just waiting for the third one to explode.
Nathan: You might want someone to get that checked out.
[Grace walks by, not even stopping]
Grace: I'm going to the party now. I'll be staying with my boyfriend for the rest of the weekend.
Jack: Okay, make sure to use protection.
[Nathan gives an understandably shocked expression about what just happened]
Grace: [Off-screen] I will.
Nathan: What the fuck man?
Jack: What, she's 16.
Nathan: And you're okay with Grace having sex?
Jack: Not at all, but I think getting her to do it safely is the better battle to fight.
[We cut back to the lemonade stand. Julie is putting the money in a hidden compartment beneath the stand. Her 12-year old brother comes up, dressed in a sports jersey. His name is Oscar]
Oscar: You're really doing this again?
[Julie doesn't even turn as she continues messing with the money]
Julie: It works, and I'm doing what works.
[She comes out and hands Oscar a glass of lemonade]
Julie: Wanna glass? I made it specially for you.
[Oscar nervously grabs the glass]
Oscar: You didn't--?
[Julie seems offended. She stops what she's doing and faces Oscar, hands on hips]
Julie: Oscar it is sick and wrong for someone to make their brother drink their pee.
[Oscar shrugs and drinks it. Despite dramatic expectations of a camera closing in, and Julie smiling, nothing bad happens. His glass really is lemonade]
Oscar: Still, I wish you'd just save up you allowance like normal little girls.
Julie: At that rate, I'd have enough money by July 5th 2070. I'm patient, but not that patient. Besides you know that I'm not exactly a "normal little girl."
Oscar: Maybe you should apply your intellect in more productive ways. Productive to everyone
[Julie gets absurdly serious]
Julie: Oscar, if I used my full intelligence, we'd have reached the singularity by now. Humanity has awhile before they're ready for that. They still need to weed out all of the stupid.
[Oscar looks left-to-right quickly, nervously confused]
Oscar: (Nervous laughter) Ha ha... well, if I had your intelligence, my life would be a lot better.
Julie: Oh yeah, it's report card season. Look, I'm sure you've done absolutely fine.
[Oscar looks down]
Julie: Oh... well, I'll be sure to visit. Send a letter or two. Surprised Daddy let you outside.
Oscar: They school's sending them in the mail. I need to ask you for some help.
Julie: Oscar, I am not assassinating another mailman. I do have standards. They'll just keep sending copies until one gets here.
Oscar: No-no, I'm asking Dad to get me a video game. I need you to keep this under wraps until I get it.
Julie: This seems like it would be counter-intuitive to a long term solution.
Oscar: Come on sis, I'm begging you. I'll let you test out one of your inventions on me.
Julie: Alright fine, but if you don't improve your grades that's what you'll be doing for the rest of your life.
Oscar: Right... and I'm just going to ignore what you're doing.
[Julie turns back to her work]
Julie: [Threateningly] Yes, yes you are.
[We cut back to the fence, with Nathan and Jack talking]
Nathan: How do you know that she's gonna... you know?
Jack: [Getting angry] I'm assuming because she doesn't want to get pregnant. She does know how sex works.
[Oscar comes up]
Oscar: I see that I've caught you at a bad time, Dad.
Nathan: Not at all, I need a moment to ponder your dad's fascinating parenting philosophy.
Jack: Shut up Nathan.
Oscar: I... was wondering if you could get me Army of Ages II?
Jack: Didn't I just buy you a game a couple of weeks ago?
Nathan: Oh, so you'll tell him no, but not Grace?
Jack: The difference is that he'll actually listen
Oscar:That is a bit... hypocritical though, isn't it Dad? I mean, if I just started acting like Grace would you let me do whatever I wanted?
Jack: Fine, I'll buy you that damn game. Just stop learning negotiation tactics from your sister.
Nathan: So, that begs the question. How do you know Grace won't... you know?
Jack: She's an intelligent 16-year-old with respect for her body.
Nathan: She's a teenager. Do you really think that if Claire were still around, she'd let Grace walk all over her?
[We see Oscar look a bit saddened by this]
Nathan: What do you think that Julie is going to do when she gets older?
[The camera turns around to seeing Julie using a customer as a footrest while fanning herself with (apparently) their money.]
Jack: I get it, you think that my parenting is crap.
Nathan: I'm not saying that
[Jack gives him a deadpan stare]
Nathan: Okay I am saying that. What are you going to do about it?
Jack: I am going to take my son to the mall to buy that game and ignore you.
[Jack walks over camera. Oscar turns back to Nathan]
Oscar: Mr. Whitaker, you don't need to hint about sex around me. I know what it is. I've had it with your daughter.
[Nathan looks very shocked as he legitimately doesn't know how serious Oscar is being. Oscar just walks off, leaving him in that state]
[We cut back to Julie who is still counting money. When three girls dressed in girl scout uniforms come up to her. The one in the center speaks. Her name is Zoey]
Zoey: Morrison, you're on our turf.
[Julie is unfrightened]
Julie: So, what do you want?
Zoey: I want our cut of the profits, before I get a chance to earn my merit badge in ass-kicking.
Julie: We've been over this, I'm not giving you a dime.
Zoey: Cheslie, Amelia. Please... persuade her.
[Amelia tries to punch at Julie, but a forcefield pops up, causing her to hurt her hand]
Julie: Proximity forcefield, bitch. Now if you don't get out of her, I'll add your goons to my personal dolly collection.
[A wristwatch on Julie's arm starts beeping and within seconds the forcefield goes down]
Julie: Shit, I knew I should have charged this last night.
[The three scouts look on with evil grins. Julie begins to fail keeping her composure]
Jack: Julie, come on! We're going to the mall.
Julie: Coming Daddy! [She blows a raspberry at Zoey]
Zoey: [Grabs Julie by the shirt collar] We'll be waiting for you to get back. With how long you've been working her... it seems that 5 g's should be a good amount.
Julie: I-I haven't even made that much!
Amelia: Well, you're going to a mall, ain't you?
Chelsie: And if you don't... [She sets fire to a doll.]
Julie: I get your point.
[She walks off, nervously. Before she gets around the fence, she brushes herself off, fakes a smile and happily skips into the car. From her child safety seat, she sees the three scouts looking back at her angrily]
[We cut to Grace at her party. It's... a stereotypical teenage party. There's alcohol in the background, loud music blaring, and no supervision at someone's house. She's there with her boyfriend Kurt, and her best friend Dahlia]
Grace: Hey Kurt, can you get us something to drink.
Kurt: Sure thing, be right back.
[He walks off]
Dahlia: Ugh, this party sucks. Everyone's already taken.
Grace: Well... not everyone.
[We see a teenage boy in the corner, the shy loner type. His name is Ralph]
Ralph: H-hey, you shouldn't be drinking that. You're only sixteen.
Teenager: Loosen up man, it's a party. My parents' ain't going to be home until Monday, no one's going to know.
Ralph: Yeah, well your liver is going to know when it gets shot at age 35.
Teenager: Look, we're friends. I invited you because we're friends. And as your friend, I say it's better if you just loosen up a little. You don't have to drink, but don't bother anyone who is.
[We cut back to Grace and Dahlia]
Dahlia: Ralph, really?
Grace: Well, you've always liked a challenge.
[Dahlia leaves and goes over to Ralph. Kurt comes back with the drinks]
Kurt: Where's Dahlia?
Grace: [Points over yonder] Trying to hook up.
Kurt: Ralph, really?
[Grace shrugs]
[We cut to Dahlia confronting Ralph in a seductive manner]
Dahlia: Hey there buddy...
[Ralph backs up a little bit]
Ralph: Hi... I'm uh... you're getting awfully close
Dahlia: Uh-huh. I... want to get to know you.
[Cut back to Grace and Kurt]
Kurt: I think he's... kind of uncomfortable with that.
[Grace is looking around through a table of chips and other snacks, laid out]
Grace [Off-handedly] He's probably just not used to the attention. Dahlia isn't going to hurt him. You know, life is short, so you gotta live it up a little.
Kurt: Like the guys playing Russian Roulette in the corner?
[There's a gunshot]
Grace: Okay, maybe not that much. But still, he's just a little anxious.
[We cut back to Dahlia and Ralph. Ralph has edged himself against the back wall]
Ralph: Look, you're pretty and all, but I'm just not in the mood for a girlfriend right now.
Dahlia: [Laughs] And I suppose that's just a pen in your pocket.
[Ralph nervously covers himself up. Dahlia seems to be getting closer]
[We cut back to the mall. Jack is walking with Julie and Oscar through the halls. It seems like they've just got there. Julie is using a scouter-like device to examine the place. We see things from Julie's first-person perspective]
Julie: Jewelry store, too cliche. Clothing store, a disguise maybe. Ooh, weapons store. That could work out nicely.
Jack: Julie, put your toys away or they'll think you stole it when we go in the store.
Julie: Yes Daddy. [She takes her scouter device off] Um... can we go to the... [She sees the store next to the weapons one] Candle store?
Jack: You sure you don't want... like a stuffed animal or something? We have candles.
Julie: Yeah, but you don't have the right ones. I'm thinking of becoming an aroma therapist and I'd like to get started preparing for my future.
Jack: [Confused] You're not even in kindergarten yet.
Julie: [Smiling] Never too early!
Annabelle: (Off-screen) Oh Jack, I never expected to see you here!
[The camera turns to reveal a woman who is out shopping. This is Annabelle, a friend that Jack has known since high school. Oscar seems nervous around her.]
Jack: [Smiling nicely] Hey Anna. Been awhile, hasn't it?
Annabelle: Oh yes definitely. Wow, Julie you've gotten so big since I last saw you!
Julie: [Off-handedly, still looking at the stores above] You too Ms. Parker.
Jack: [Disciplinary] Julie!
Annabelle: [Trying not to hurt the girl's feelings] It's no trouble. I guess I have put on a few pounds recently... So, what brings you guys to the mall?
Jack: Oh, I was here buying a game for Oscar and apparently... candles for Julie.
Annabelle: Where's Gracie?
Jack: She's... with her boyfriend. And you shouldn't call her Gracie anymore.
[Annabelle looks on nervously at what that could imply]
Jack: Well while we're here, maybe we can catch up over dinner.
Julie: (nervously; internally) More time here gives those Campfire Girls more time to put a fire cracker under my bed....
Julie: I'm not that hungry, Daddy...
Jack: Well the restaurant will take awhile for them to prepare the food. You'll probably be hungry by the time it's ready.
Julie: [Beginning to throw a temper tantrum] But I want to go to the candle store now!
Jack: The candles will still be here by the time we're done.
Julie: What if a crazy arsonist goes running through the mall though and burns everything! And what if someone buys all of the candles to pour the melted wax under innocent people's fingernails to torture them into giving up government secrets!
Annabelle: [Partially scared] Kids these days... they've got the craziest imaginations... Let's go eat.
[While they're walking Oscar looks over to Julie. He gives a look as to ask if she did that. Julie mouths the word "once" and goes back into walking.]
[We cut to see Oscar, Annabelle, and Jack at a restraunt booth.]
Jack: So it didn't work out with Ryan, huh?
Annabelle: Nah, I didn't really expect it too anyway. It was worth a shot though.
[The camera pans over to an alcove where Julie has a waiter pinned with a knife]
Julie: You tell the chef that Table 12 is top priority. I want our meals done in 25 minutes top, or else heads will roll.
Waiter: But miss... the steak takes at least 30
Julie: Well dig Einstein up and get his bony ass to help you break the speed of light. And I swear to whatever gods that exist if my hotdog isn't cut into bite-sized pieces there will be hell to pay, and I'd better not get that french fry that's so covered in ketchup I can't pick it up without my hands getting all messy.
Waiter: Yes miss, please don't hurt me! I'll do what you ask.
Julie: Good, I'll ask my Daddy to give you a nice tip.
Jack: (Off-screen) Julie, where'd you go?
[Julie gives the waiter a "business" expression and lets him go. She walks off. We cut to her coming back to her table.]
Julie: Sorry Daddy, I was just in the bathroom.
Annabelle: You go all by yourself? Such a big girl.
Jack: I can't exactly help her...
[He picks Julie up and puts her in a booster seat, next to Annabelle]
Annabelle: [Awkwardly] Yeah, I suppose you're right. It's been tough without Claire, hasn't it?
Jack: [Grumbly] It wasn't exactly heaven with her. [Normally] Can we please not talk about this... right now
[He eyes to Oscar and Julie. Oscar is playing a handheld game, while Julie is scribbling away with crayon.]
Annabelle: Whatcha drawing sweetie?
Julie: Battle map of Europe.
Annabelle: Seriously, why don't you put a block on the television?
Julie: Because I deprogram it every single time. It gets to the point where people decide that if I can do that I can clearly handle whatever morally corrupting messages are on public broadcasting.
Annabelle: Um... okay then. Oscar, what are you playing?
[Oscar continues to ignore her while playing his game]
Jack: Oscar, please put the game down and talk to Anna.
Oscar: I... don't wanna.
Annabelle: I don't bite.
Oscar: I don't want to talk to you.
Jack: Oscar that was rude.
Oscar: Well trying to get someone to talk when they don't want to is rude too. I'm going to use the bathroom
[He walks off in a lot of anger and annoyance]
Annabelle: He misses his mother, doesn't he?
[Julie clangs down a fork, leading to a defining silence]
Julie: [Sternly] No... he doesn't.
[They stare at each other for a few seconds without them saying anything. Jack can't even muster up something to say. The silence is only broken when the waiter brings their food.]
Jack: How interesting, they cut their hotdogs into small bite-sized pieces.
[Julie turns to the nervous waiter and nods at him. He gives a hearty sigh of relief]
[We cut back to Grace at the party. She walks up to Dahlia, who seems to have gotten Ralph into kissing. They stop.]
Dahlia: See, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Ralph: I... uh... taste your gum.
Dahlia: I'll be right back, I'll get us a couple of drinks.
Ralph: Hey, I don't drink.
Dahlia: Come on lighten up. If you don't, we might not be able to move onto the... more interesting stuff.
[Ralph seems really nervous]
Ralph: (Internally) I gotta get out of here.
[He goes walking and then bumps into Grace.]
Grace: Oh hi, how's it going?
Ralph: Just heading for the exit.
Kurt: Dude... a girl is literally throwing herself at you, and you're just going to leave.
Grace: She doesn't have an STD if that's what you're worried about.
Ralph: Look, I'm just not ready for this right now.
Kurt: [Laughing] What are you, gay or something?
[Grace looks at him in absolute disgust]
Kurt: What did I say?
Ralph: Look, I'm just going to get out of here.
Grace: I don't know if that'll be necessary. I'll talk to her.
[Grace walks over to Dahlia, who seems to be getting really into the alcohol]
Grace: Hey Dahlia...
Dahlia: [Sarcastically] Hey Grace...
Grace: Can I ask you to cool it with Ralph.
Dahlia: You could but I'm not going to listen. Come on Grace, you were like him once. And look at you now, life of the party. This is good for him.
[Grace sees Ralph getting heckled by Kurt, and some of the other guys]
Dahlia: They're gonna think he's a fag if he doesn't now.
Grace: What?
Dahlia: You heard what I said.
Grace: He's not and even if he was, who cares? The alcohol is getting to you Dahl, maybe you should stop drinking.
[Dahlia swipes at Grace, but she steps out of the way]
Dahlia: God Grace, I thought you were better than this. Live on.
Grace: Dahlia, give me your keys.
Dahlia: Phssh. Look, I am having fun tonight with or without you.
Grace: Fine, without. Good luck getting home tonight. I think I'm leaving.
Dahlia: Grace, where are you going to go? We were gonna snort a joint later!
Grace: I'm going somewhere where people do things that sound significantly less painful
[There's another pistol shot]
[Grace walks over to Kurt, who is still making fun of Ralph]
Ralph: I keep telling you that I'm straight.
Grace: [Sternly] Kurt, what the fuck are you doing?
Kurt: I was... just uh...
[All of a sudden, there are police sirens. The teenagers in the party panic and run off. Grace gets knocked over. A table gets flipped over and hurts Grace's leg enough to stop her from making a quick get away]
Grace: Kurt get back here and help me!
Kurt: Sorry... [Panicky] I uh... I can't get caught again. My parents will send me to military school.
Grace: Screw you too then Kurt. We are through!
[Kurt looks on for a second and then just runs off. We see Ralph coming back, trying to help Grace get up]
Grace: Ralph? What are you doing? There's guilt by association. [Says this with disdain] The cops will bust you too.
[Moves the table]
Ralph: I shouldn't have been here in the first place. How's your leg?
Grace: Shit, I think it's broken.
Officer: Don't move! Either of you!
[We cut back to the mall, in the main hallway area. Annabelle is walking with Jack, Julie, and Oscar]
Annabelle: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't I take Oscar to buy his game while you take Julie to get her candles.
Jack: I don't know if that's the best idea Anna.
Annabelle: Maybe I was too abrassive. It's been two years Jack. He needs to move on.
Jack: [Defeated] Fine. Be back here in one hour.
Oscar: Wait, you're not really gonna make me—
Jack: Yes I am, and you still owe Anna an apology.
Oscar: She could kidnap me for all you know!
Jack: I've known Annabelle since high school, she's not going to do anything to you.
Oscar: Fine, whatever.
Julie: [Trying to change the subject] Let's go get my candles Daddy.
[We cut to Julie and Jack in the candle store.]
Jack: You really want these things?
Julie: [Doing some thinking about her surroundings] Uh-huh...
Julie: Oh no! I dropped one of my contacts!
Jack: [Panicking] Uh-oh. Where did you lose it? Do you think you lost it in here?
Julie: Probably. Help me look for it.
[Julie begins scurrying around the ground, and Jack follows suit. At the earliest possible opportunity, Julie runs out of the room and ducks into the weapon store]
Store clerk: Hello little girl, are you lost?
Julie: Nope, I'm exactly where I need to be.
Store clerk: You're a little young to buy a gun.
Julie: That's good because I wasn't planning on buying anything.
[Julie holds up a laser-device to the store clerk]
[We cut to Oscar and Annabelle walking through the games' store. She looks at a few games]
Annabelle: You know, I play a lot of video games too.
Oscar: [Point blank] What do you want from me?
Annabelle: I dunno, I just thought that your dad could use a little help with... you guys.
Oscar: Trust me, Dad has had enough help.
Annabelle: Look, I don't know what your mother did to you, but—
Oscar: That's just it, you don't know.
[Annabelle steps back slightly]
Annabelle: I... I didn't mean it like that.
Oscar: Whatever....
Annabelle: Look, I'm not going to give up trying to get to know you a little bit.
Oscar: [Sarcastically] Well... I want to be an astronaut when I grow up, I'm 3 sixteenths goldfish, and I don't want to talk to you
Annabelle: Fine then, be that way. I don't have to buy that game you know.
Oscar: Fine, don't! Dad's just going to take it away when he finds out by my grades anyway—
[Annabelle quirks her brow]
Oscar: It's not my fault. Half of my teachers are like... insane.
Annabelle: I'm sure that's not true.
Oscar: Yeah that's because you've never met Mr. Clyne, my English teacher.
[We cut to Mr. Clyne's class. This guy looks a bit ridiculous. The words "Lord of the Flies is written on the board."]
Mr. Clyne: So, the moral of the story is that... children are evil. I swear the second I leave this room, you guys will fucking eat each other. [Beat] Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom.
[We cut to Oscar turning to face one of his classmates nervously]
[Then we cut back to present time]
Oscar: So, what are you going to do? Tell my Dad?
Annabelle: Maybe. He's going to find out sooner or later, you know.
Oscar: Well school is hard.
Annabelle: Well... I could help you study.
Oscar: Dad, Grace, and Julie have all tried. I'm hopeless.
Annabelle: How did Julie... help you?
Oscar: Well there was that time we dissected a—
Annabelle: Stop! I don't want to know!
Oscar: Suit yourself.
Annabelle: Well, I'm not going to give up until I've tried to help you at least.
Oscar: It'll be the same either way, you'll just waste countless hours this way. Or not, I dunno. I failed math.
[Oscar pulls out Army of Ages II, and Annabelle takes it]
Annabelle: This game is rated M. Are you sure your dad will let you get it?
Oscar: [Shrugs] He let me get the last one.
Annabelle: Yes, well the first Army of Ages was rated T.
Oscar: You play Army of Ages?
Annabelle: Surprised? Tell you what, I'll buy this for you if you let me try to help you with your school work.
Oscar: If Dad lets you. Like I said, he doesn't need help.
Annabelle: I'm sure he doesn't. What's the worst thing that you kids could do?
[We cut to Grace and Ralph in jail.]
Grace: Well, you've got a juvinille record now. Still got a way to go to catch up to me.
Ralph: Whatever.
Grace: Mr. I don't want to drink. Mr. I don't want to kiss? Whatever is all you got to say?
Ralph: I should never have been there. [Mocking] Oh, you'll make great new friends.
Grace: Well, you made one tonight.
Ralph: And if I'm not mistaken, you lost two.
Grace: Those assholes? I hope Dahlia gets into a car crash, and hits Kurt along the way.
Ralph: You shouldn't say things like that. There's a good chance that she will. You're just angry, and she was just drunk. She probably didn't really want to do those things. A belly and a brain full of booze.
Grace: Alcohol doesn't work that, Ralph. It makes you do things that common sense says you shouldn't. Makes you say things that...
Ralph: Surprised that you drink it
Grace: Well I'm done from now on.
Ralph: That's good.
Grace: Right, good old fashioned heroin from here on out.
[Ralph looks shocked, but Grace bursts into laughter]
Grace: [Comically] I'm joking. No, I don't do anything harder than pot.
[The police officer watching them gives a stern look]
Grace: Oh what are you looking at. The prison time does a lot more damage than the drug itself!
Officer: I don't make the laws lady, I just enforce them.
Grace: So would you arrest a homeless man after he stole bread to feed his starving family?
Officer: This city has a homeless shelter, you know.
Grace: Yeah, well Ralph here is innocent. He didn't do anything. You even breathalyzed him for Christ's sake.
Ralph: Maybe it's best not to insult the guy.
Grace: Why not? You know what they say. It's better ten guilty people to go free than for one innocent man to be arrested.
Ralph: Right, it's better for ten Mr. McCreepy's over there walking around free than me being in here.
[The camera pans to another cell with Mr. McCreepy. He looks the part and waves]
Mr. McCreepy: Hi. I'm an axe murderer!
Grace: I bet there are ten Mr. McCreepy's out there because the system is fucking incompetant. Pick a side at least.
Mr. McCreepy: You know, I do have a name.
Officer: Well this system is kind enough to offer you a phone call. And I think that Ralph will get his first.
Grace: You do know that there's like 30 drunk teenagers driving around town? Why are you even here?
[The officer looks on angrily]
[We cut to Jack continuing to wander about the floor of the candle shop.]
Stranger: Sir, what are you doing?
Jack: I'm looking for my daughter's contact. She dropped it.
Stranger: Your... daughter sir?
[Jack jolts up to find that Julie is nowhere to be seen]
Jack: Oh shit, I gotta go find her.
[Jack runs out of the candle store into the hallway, past the gun shop where it shows that Julie has hypnotized the store clerk into loading a case with money and handing her lots of ammunition. Jack comes up to an elderly woman]
Elderly woman: What are you doing sonny?
Jack: I'm looking for a little girl. She's five years old, has blonde pigtails. Wearing a pink dress.
Elderly woman: Why you sicko! [She begins pelting Jack with her purse] Looking for kids in a mall.
Jack: W-wait! She's my daughter!
Elderly woman: Oh, so now you can't watch over your own kids!
Jack: Look, I don't need your sanctimonious bullshit right now. I need to find my daughter!
[There's an explosion in one of the stores. Julie comes out in a minature mech. This definitely leaves Jack in surprise. He decides to just follow her]
Jack: Julie!
[Julie breaks into the jewelry store. The woman behind the cashier looks frightened as Julie begins to storm into the building]
Jeweller: M-miss... can I help you...
Julie: Give me everything.
Jeweller: What?
Julie: All of your jewelry, all of the money in the cash register, and uh... your lipstick. My sister's birthday is coming up, and I think she'd like that color.
Jeweller: I'm afraid I... can't do that. And I'll have to call the police...
[Julie uses the mecha to pick the jeweller off of the floor.]
Julie: Look, I don't know you so I'm going to make this clear. I owe the Campfire Girls a lot of money and I don't have much time to get it. And you know as well as I do that you never cross a Campfire Girl.
Jeweller: [Straight-faced] I completely understand miss.
[We cut to outside with both Annabelle and Oscar meeting up with Jack right outside the jewelry store]
Annabelle: What's... going on here? Is that—
Jack: (Shouting sternly) Julie!
[Julie freezes up]
Julie: Uh-oh, Daddy...
Jack: Julie, look at me when I'm talking to you.
[Julie slowly turns around in her mecha]
Jack: Now get out of the robot.
Julie: [Whining a bit] It's not a robot, it's a mecha.
Jack: I don't care what it is, get out of it.
Julie: B-but—
Jack: No but's. We've been over this, we don't commit armed robbery... or acts of mass terrorism.
[Annabelle looks to Oscar]
Annabelle: This has... happened before?
Oscar: [Mirroring Julie earlier] Once.
[Julie gets out of the mech]
Julie: But those Campfire Girls were mean to me and tried to take my money!
Jack: Come to me first, and I'll try to take care of it.
Julie: [Off to the side] They're not going to listen.
Jack: It's a place to start. Now apologize to the nice lady that you tried to rob.
[Julie turns to the woman]
Julie: Sorry miss... it won't happen again.
Jeweller: It's... okay...
Jack: I hope you know you're grounded Julie.
Julie: [Bashfully] I know.
[The jeweller hands Julie some money in secrecy]
Jeweller: Here, take this...
Julie: Thanks...
[Annabelle runs into the jewelry store]
Annabelle: Y-you deal with this kind of stuff?
Jack: All the time.
Annabelle: [Jokingly] No wonder Claire left...
[Jack is beyond disgusted]
Jack: [Sternly] Do not indict my kids in Claire's behavior. We're leaving.
Annabelle: Wait... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
Jack: How did you mean it? Annabelle, Julie was three when Claire left. She barely even remember her mother. Oscar was on top of his classes, enrolled in basket ball, surrounded by friends. Grace was a saint and now...
[Jack gets a ring on his cellphone. He answers it.]
Jack: Apparently she's in jail.
Elderly woman (from earlier): Damn.
Jack: That's all three of them grounded.
Oscar: Hey... what did I do?
Jack: Your principal called me about your report card. I was gonna give you a chance to be honest, and tell me before it came in the mail, but nope.
Julie: [Sing-song] I warned you Oscar....
Oscar: Shut it Julie.
Jack: Both of you shut it.
Annabelle: Look, I know it doesn't mean much... but I promised that I'd help Oscar study and get those grades up. Maybe I could be a positive role model for Grace and Julie in the meantime while I'm doing it.
Jack: Did you buy that game for Oscar?
Annabelle: Yeah [She hands it over to Jack]
Jack: This game is rated M. I said he could get it because the last one was rated T. Why did you buy this for him?
Annabelle: I tried to... get him to open up.
Jack: He's just not ready. If you're going to be his tutor, you have to understand that.
Annabelle: So... I can help out?
Oscar: I don't know, can you?
Annabelle: I... can try.
Jack: Okay then. The semester starts Monday. From 3 to 5, five days a week.
Oscar: 2 hours a day?
Jack: Want to make it three? You won't be doing much besides studying for awhile.
Julie: So is Annabelle gonna be our new Mommy or something?
Annabelle: Um... no. I uh...
Oscar: So, she's gay then.
Jack: No... goddamn your health class. How do I describe this. Some women like men, some women like women, some like both, and she likes neither.
Oscar: But didn't she just have a boyfriend?
Annabelle: Kind of why it fell a part [Gives an innocent smile]
[We cut to Grace in jail with Ralph]
Grace: After she left the only person I really had to talk to was Dahlia, and you see how that turned out.
Ralph: I dunno, the rest of your family seems pretty cool.
Grace: They are, and there's some stuff I'd only tell them. I mean we're kind of alone together in the world. But I can't exactly ask my little brother advice on sex.
Oscar: [Off-screen] Yeah, that'd be kind of creepy.
[We turn to see Jack, Julie, and Oscar there. The officer is also there.]
Jack: To what do I owe the pleasure officer?
Officer: Found these two at a party. There was pot smoke, and your daughter is legally drunk. If she avoids jail time for this, which I doubt considering her attitude, she'll probably be put on probation.
Grace: Shit... that's just what I needed.
Ralph: Hey, you said you wanted to give it up anyway.
Jack: And just who might you be?
Ralph: Ralph Peterson sir. I know this looks bad, but please don't go too harsh on your daughter. She tried to take one of her drunk friends' car keys to stop her from getting in an accident, and she stood up for me when everyone was calling me gay because I didn't want to go to town on a girl I'd just met.
Officer: Is this true?
Jack: Sounds like something Grace would do. She may be a teenager, but she's not an idiot.
Oscar: Mostly.
Grace: Say that when we're on the same side of these bars, dork.
Julie: [Teasing] Gracie's got a boyfriend. Gracie's got a boyfriend.
Grace: Don't call me that.
Ralph: Gracie?
Grace: Gracie is a little girl's name. I'm not a little girl.
Oscar: Right, little girls don't tend to end up in jail.
Julie: [Smiling] Lucky me!
Grace: Okay... what did you do, pipsqueak?
Julie: Attempted to pay my debts to a crime syndicate.
Ralph: Your family is pretty cool.
Jack: I hear you didn't respond to the "boyfriend" part of Julie's little chant?
Ralph: Maybe some day, but I'm happy to start at friend.
Grace: Come on Dad, I broke up with Kurt two hours ago. I haven't even hit the rebound yet.
Jack: Hey, hey I'm just making sure. I've got to keep a closer eye on you from now on.
Mr. McCreepy: I can help you with that.
Grace: Just ignore him. He's been going on and on for an hour now.
Mr. McCreepy: I am a dignified human being.
Julie: No, no you're not.
Oscar: Gotta agree with my sister on this one.
[Mr. McCreepy sulks and sits in the corner]
Grace: I'm sorry Dad... I should have left the party as soon as I learned there was alcohol.
Jack: We'll talk about it on the way home.
Julie [Off-screen] Is this enough for bail my sister out?
[She pours the jewelry store money on the table]
Officer: Um... yeah, I think so. Where'd you get that kind of money?
Julie: [Innocently] Lemonade stand.
Jack: (To Ralph) You getting a ride out of here?
Ralph: Yeah... my parents are... they're gonna be pissed.
Jack: Well good luck to you then. And I hope to see you soon. As for you, Grace, whatever the courts say, you're on probation starting now.
[We cut to the family in the car, heading home]
Radio Voice 1: And they're still cleaning up the wreckage of the accident. There is blood fucking everywhere Dave.
Radio Voice 2: Totally Ted, and holy shit. Is that a severed foot?
[Jack turns it off]
Grace: You're... angry at me, aren't you? Look, Kurt was going to be the designated driver. We took all of the necessary precautions.
Jack: I know. I'm proud of you for trying to take Dahlia's keys and helping that boy. It's just... it proves that you can be so much better than these parties and the alcohol, and the pot I found in your room.
Grace: What were you doing in my room!?
Oscar: [Snickering] Ooh, you fell for it
Grace: Shit.
Oscar: Don't feel bad, he got me too.
Grace: Well, what do you want me to do? I can't change the past—
Julie: I can! I can help you do it too!
Jack: No Grace, but you can change your future. The decisions that you make now will be sticking with you for the rest of your life. You keep telling me, you're not Gracie anymore. I can't let you stay on this track anymore.
Grace: So what are you gonna do? Send me to military school?
Jack: Do you think that would solve the problem? Nah, if you keep this up I'll make you live with the Whitakers.
Grace: Doesn't he install spyware on his kids' computers?
Jack: Yup. They're batshit paranoid about their kids doing something wrong, and every time any of you three do something like this you're proving him right.
[There's a moment of silence as the kids think of the prospects of that.]
Jack: Look, I'm still figuring things out here on my own. I want to give you kids the benefit of the doubt, but you can't abuse that. Let's just go home and try to put this whole thing behind us.
[The car pulls up to the drive way. The family gets out. Julie is about to go inside before she's confronted by the Campfire Girls]
Zoey: So... do you have our money?
[Julie tosses the backpack (from the jail) to Zoey. It's closed.]
Zoey: Glad you decided to play it our way.
[Julie and Oscar begin walking inside]
Oscar: I thought you used all of the money to pay Grace's bail?
Julie: I did.
Oscar: Then what's in the backpack?
Julie: Grenades.
Oscar: They're not live... are they?
Julie: Don't know, don't care.
[We cut to the end credits waiting on an explosion that may or may not happen